An Open Letter to Mo Twister

Disclaimer: Due to the fact that I live in Hawaii and Bakeks has to go out early for horseback riding with her sosyal friends from the Polo Club, both of us are unable to catch the “Forbidden Questions” portion of Good Times on Magic 89.9 every Wednesday morning. However, madali naman mahanap ang mga recaps ng interviews ni Mo sa Internet…

Dear Mo Twister:

We, the bloggers of When Baduy Happens, are disappointed in the quality of guests that you have invited for the “Forbidden Questions” segment in your morning radio show. Please consider our list of proposed future guests for Good Times below so you won’t have to resort to booking D-list hacks with nothing substantial to say come Wednesday morning. Labs, Bakeks and Meimei

PROPOSED GUEST: Rico Blanco
Why? Haller, this is a radio show on a music station! Dapat may mga tunay na musicians din kayo na guests! Nangako ka pa naman na kukunin mo si Rico pero si Hero Angeles ang binigay mo sa amin. Hell no, hindi puwede iyan!
How: Di ba may bagong album si Rico ngayon? Eh di kunwari promote niya yung Isang Ugat, Isang Dugo at You'll Be Safe Here sa show mo… on the condition na hindi mo siya kukulitin tungkol kay Bamboo or KC.
Sample questions: “Would you be willing to participate in a Sharon Cuneta tribute album?” “Biggest diva moment you’ve ever had during a gig.” “Have you ever been propositioned by a gay groupie?”

PROPOSED GUEST: Basti Artadi
Why? I’m sure wala na talaga siyang ginagawa sa oras niya ngayong “retired” na (daw) siya. Mas kailangan pa nga niya ng outlet para sa kanyang mga repressed emotions, kung ako ang tatanungin mo.
How: OK sana kung puwede siyang solo. Pero mas mag-eenjoy kami kung isasabay mo si Basti kay Rico Blanco, a la Geneva and Rachel. Hindi lang laitan ng mga kapwa musikero, kundi pati laitan ng isa’t isa. RAKRAKAN NA!
Sample questions: Siyempre, dapat tanungin mo ‘yung tungkol sa “size” niya. Either sasagutin ka talaga niya ng derecho, or magwawala iyon on-air at mapipilitan kang putulin ‘yung Forbidden Questions pagkatapos ka niyang lecture-an tungkol sa integrity.

PROPOSED GUEST: Jennylyn Mercado
Why? Kayo na lang palagi ng babaeng ito ang palaging headline sa PEP kasi, eh. Pero mas sawa na kami sa pagmumukha ni Jennylyn kaysa sa hitsura mo. At least yung mga intriga at drama na kasangkot ka, mapapakinggan ng live sa radio…
How: Oh, please – tinanong mo pa? Check mo lang ang inbox ng email at cell mo. Sigurado kaming tumawag na iyon sa iyo para iyakan niya ang pagpapaka-epal ni Mark sa kanyang latest relationship with her latest why-does-she-bother-denying-dahil-obvious-naman-iyon-na-boyfriend.
Sample questions: “Given the chance to make your own sex video, who would you want to have as a partner?” “Have you ever dated, been linked to, or been courted by anyone who is NOT an actor?” “On a scale of 1 to 10, tell us how you would rate the way Mark Herras pumps it, rocks it, moves it, shakes it...”

PROPOSED GUEST: Billy Crawford
Why? Pagbigyan mo na – baka ito na ang career boost na hinahanap niya.
How: Minsan lang naman uuwi iyan sa Pinas, eh.
Sample questions: “Do people still call you Billy Joe?” “When was the last time you hung out with Justin Timberlake?” “Did you ever think, at any point in time, that there was something really, really weird about Michael Jackson?”

PROPOSED GUEST: Gretchen Barretto
Why? Sabi kasi ni Gretchen mananahimik na lang siya. Pero sabi din ni Gretchen baka magsulat din daw siya ng tell-all book. ANO BA TALAGA, GRETA?
How: Sabihin mo exclusive ito - solong-solo niya ang interview. Puwede niyang dalhin as many yayas, bodyguards, and Louis Vuitton luggage as she wants. Make sure there’s also room in the studio for the microwave oven!
Sample questions: “Who is the cheapest guy you’ve ever gone out with?” “On a scale from 1 to 10, rate Tony Boy in bed.” “What’s the best piece of advice that you can give to your daughter when she grows up?”

PROPOSED GUEST: Chokoleit
Why? Well, if this is the person who has the worst BO in showbiz (according to your guests), it’s about time you smelled it for yourself in person.
How: Call John Lapus or Rustom Padilla – di ba friends pa rin sila kahit tinira na nila yung bru sa show mo?
Sample questions: “What is your secret to maintaining good hygiene?” “Who in showbiz would you like to join in the shower?” “Okay, seriously – who do you think is gayer than you in show business?” (no points kung “Piolo” or “Sam Milby” ang sagot niya)

PROPOSED GUEST: Ruffa Gutierrez Bektas
Why? Philippines’ Next Top Model. Nuff said.
How: Ask Annabelle Rama first.
Sample questions: “Have you ever shopped at an ukay?” “What do Turkish men have that Pinoy men don’t?” "I am going to recite to you a list of all the women who have been romantically linked to your twin brothers. Tell us which animal comes to mind when we say these names..." Also, bonus points if she can still recite her catchphrase from the Hapee Toothpaste commercial.

PROPOSED GUEST: Say Alonzo
Why? Para magkakilala na kayo sa wakas. So what kung hindi mo siya maalala at ayaw niyang mag-guest sa show mo? Sigurado kaming may HD para sa iyo ang babaeng iyon! (And no, we don't mean 'yung TV na high definition.)
How: Sabihin mo that you're willing to make it up to her and you will not ask her any more annoying questions about Sam Milby.
Sample questions: “Do you think you're sexy?” “Do you think I'm hot?” “Would you like to grab a coffee with me after this interview?”