Saturday, June 4, 2011

When Westwick Happens

Dear Piolo: This is how you wear a V-neck sweater without looking like a damned fool. Please take notes. You know you love me.  (Photo from Penshoppe's Facebook page.) 

Dear Diet: Hindi mo na kailangan mag-hubad para mapansin. Chest hair ko pa lang, ulam na. XOXO.

Dear Echo: I used to sing in a band just like you, too. Wala lang. Kthxbai.

Dear Dingdong… Wait, your name is DINGDONG? Sorry, mate.

Dear Jolo Revilla: Kung totoo nga ang naririnig ko sa mga tabi-tabi, at kailangan mo ng advice, ang masasabi ko lang sa iyo ay dapat mo talagang panoorin ang Season 5. And also, I have the perfect girlfriend for you… her name is Serena van der Woodsen.

Dear Binoe: Can’t wait to see Guns and Roses! Love it when you pull that rose out of your jacket in the trailer. You’d make an excellent florist. Speaking of, could you please make a bouquet for me? I think Blair needs better flowers to see how serious I am about her. I would truly appreciate it. 

Dear Jovit: Throat lozenges. Look into it. Also, how dare you insult the way we eat with forks and knives!

Dear Christian: "Beautiful Girl"? Really? Beautiful women fall all over my lap every season, and I don't even need to sing about them. Please. 

Dear Mr. Roxas: The first rule of being a scheming, manipulative, power-hungry bastard like me is to not wear short-sleeved polo shirts all the time. Rhett Eala has moved on; so should you.

Dear President Aquino: See above. Also, try not smiling for a change. It’ll make you look more mysterious and intense… plus it’s good for the times when you don’t have to show your teeth. (Cosigned by Damon Salvatore and Eric Northman.)