To my dearest Bakeks and Meimei,
Please find time to edit this text from a good friend of mine.Inglisera naman kayo pareho.
Funfarely yours,
Kuya Ricky
So, without further ado, here are our editing notes - made with blood-red G2 editing pens imported from Japan, of course - for the following text galing sa isang taong itatago natin sa initials na Y. B. (Ano iyan, Young Borat? - Head Intern Shaun)
Tito Ricky, it was when beginning time we have interview with you. Now I am requesting with you for ending.
"When beginning time"? Ano iyan, bago naisulat ang Book of Genesis sa Bible? So ang ibig sabihin niya ay siya ang nagsimula ng isyu at gusto niyang tapusin.
I would like to finish this story with you, with Ruffa we deciding end this story because of me.
Oy, RUN ON SENTENCE! We no likey the run-on sentence, it is boring, it makes the person sound monotonous. Anyway, we get the point. Try "Ruffa and I have decided to end this story together."
Even though we love each other so much, it cannot be fixed because of my disrespectful words. When I use my words, it is because I am so angry and out of my mind.
Kita ninyo iyan? English major kasi ang Ate Mei ninyo kaya minsan naalala pa niya ang maglagay ng proper subject verb agreement.
Just I was try to survive my honor and my family but I forget my wife, mother of my children, and Gutierrez family also carrying my honor. Whatever I am saying, those people not deserving. But whatever to Ruffa and her mom said to me I deserve all this words. However, until today whoever believe and trust my words I am apologize to them because I was wrong!
Teka, teka, teka, naguguluhan na kami dito sa kung sino ang mas "deserving" at sino ang "carrying honor" dito. Please clarify.
I am not deserve Ruffa and her love because she was good wife, good mother and good human, but I am not! I am saying all this with my free will. I am not try to make anybody happy. I am saying this because it’s truth.
Heto ang pahayag ng aming Head Intern Shaun: Pare, I have loved a lot of good women in my lifetime. Hindi din ako deserving na mahalin sila, sa totoo lang... pero kung alam ko from the very beginning na niloloko ako ng asawa ko dahil 1) hindi niya inasikaso ng mabuti ang unang divorce niya and 2) mukhang datung ang nanay niya, eh hindi mo ako masisisi kung uminit din ang ulo ko, ano? Then again, ayoko ngang gamitin yung walk in closet ko sa bahay para magkulong ng mga bruha. Baka masira kasi yung aking collecshaun ng vintage vinyl records...
I wanna clear Ruffa and members of Gutierrez family, Bektas family also Islam religion and my country. If something wrong, I am the wrong one. Out of my family name, I wanna say this name just Yilmaz from my heart and with my free will.
Hmmmm... So you are speaking as Yilmaz and Yilmaz alone, right? From the heart? Mukhang makukuha mo na kami dito...
From now, probably people calling me insane. I would like to say that the difference between insane and genius is success and failure. I failed but sometimes because insane better than being intelligence because you will not gonna see dirty side of world...
...Pero ano ba itong ibig sabihin mo ng "insane better than being intelligence?" Sige na, makikanta na kayo sa amin! SINONG DAKILA, SINO ANG TUNAY NA BALIW?
Tito Ricky, please do this favor to me and publish this. And clear Ruffa and her family name. Thank you. It will make me happy but not proud.
Hmm, let's think about the family whose name you are clearing, pare: Si Daddy, na maraming babaeng inanakan bago niya pinatulan si Mommy na mukhang pera. Ang mga kapatid niya, na kinabibilangan nina 1) Captain Barbell; 2) ang kakambal niyang si Captain Effeminate; 3) isang walang kuwentang rapper; at 4) sari saring mga failed child actors na tinulak ni Manay Bisaya na mag-artista bago sila tumakas sa States para magpakatino? Yeah, we would not be proud either.
Also, I wanna send this message for Gutierrez family:
I am sorry to you and mother Annabelle. Hope one day you will forgive me. I know how difficult. Never I didn’t want to be disrespect, never I am thinking will gonna happened like this, what I did until today. It was just I try getting my family back.
Ay parang kabaligtaran ito ng mga pelikulang pinapanood dati ni Meimei at ng kanyang ermat sa Lifetime Channel sa Tate! Pero dito sa vershaun na ito yung foreigner ang humihingi ng tawad kasi hindi niya akalain na siya ang maiiskandalo. Uy, ibang kuwento na ito ah. Siguro next time magtext kayo kay Manay Oprah, ha?
But I lost my family and your respect because of my anger. I don’t know how but just story getting out of control. Just I wanna say you Ruffa and mother Annabelle always good to me. Whatever I say until today all bad words to hurt you...I taking to myself. Please Dad, Mom, I lost my love and my family and your respect. Believe me, it’s more painful than bullet pain.
Yan na ang bagong catchphrase namin dito sa When Baduy Happens headquarters. "Uy, Meimei, narinig ko yung cover ng 'Jealous Guy' by Cueshe! IT'S MORE PAINFUL THAN BULLET PAIN!"
Just please I know how difficult to forgive but just accept my my sorry like nutty son.
...As opposed to "accepting sorry like Naughty Shaun." Kasi pag naughty si Shaun, kinukulong lang namin siya sa loob ng aming walk in closet kasama ni Meimei.
(Leche, tumahimik kayo diyan! WALA KAYONG ALAM! - Head Intern Shaun)
And believe me, never I am not gonna be with my Ruffa!! Mom and dad it’s your Ruffa now. Please dad, take care of her.
Uy, double negative! Buti na lang hindi mainitin ang ulo ni Mei sa mga ganyan. Pero if you're letting go, eh di ba dapat "never am I going to be with my Ruffa"? Kasi pag nilagyan mo ng double negative parang ayaw mong bumitiw eh...
(*cue all interns singing "WAG KANG BIBITIW BIGLA! WAG KANG BIBITIW BIGLA!"*)
Sorry, sorry, million times sorry for Gutierrez and Bektas family, except myself.
At dito natin maririnig ang pag-epal nila Mahmah Bakeks at Mahmah Mei sa kanilang chorus ng "Patawarin Mo Muna ang Sarili Mo." Labyu Moms!
Tito Ricky, we decide to finish our story just last night. It’s now final decision, 14 June 2007. We completely break up. Thank you!
...And that concludes the Copy Editing and Love Advice Portion of our blog entry. We now return to our regular programming.
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